When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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