Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
