I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
