I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
