I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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