i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
