tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
