there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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