bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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