there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
