If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
