Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
