If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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