Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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