she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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