I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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