then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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