Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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