I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
