The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
