and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I currently don't understand fingers.
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