I need help removing her.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
