Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
