if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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