We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
