turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
