I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
