Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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