she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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