What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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