well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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