I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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