Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
