Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My first STD was from a foam party
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
