Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
