Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
