so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
