dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
