Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
