Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
