At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
