An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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