I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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