Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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