well you can't waste a boner
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
