Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
