Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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