and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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