since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
