yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
