We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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