I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
