His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
