Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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