so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
