"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
