we're blogging at a bar
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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