i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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