she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
