I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
