Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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